You know what it’s like when you get a new boss. “Stop writing about all that F1 gossip no one’s interested in; go back to being the consumer’s friend so you can attract some advertisers instead of driving them away” (he didn’t intend the pun).
OK. Here we go. Beware of the Genesis G90 2023 model because the US recall department says the seatbelt pre-tensioners may explode, which probably won’t be helpful to your family jewels. If you own a VW ID4 (an electric car), the door can open unexpectedly at speeds below 15km/h and you and the family could be waving the ID4 a cheery bye-bye.
Talking of electric cars, the Times tells us when Lee Stuart was locked out of his rented Tesla Model Y by a faulty key fob last weekend, he imagined a slick software update from Elon Musk’s carmaker would soon enable his family to carry on with their weekend plans.
“That didn’t happen on Saturday. Nor did it happen on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. Despite making 40 phone calls and two return trips of 70km as well as organising a breakdown recovery lorry, Stuart remained locked out of the car he had rented for £2800 a month.”
Tesla did not respond to a request from the Times for comment on Stuart’s experience. This is probably because the Tesla PR team, along with other critical Elon workers, were watching videos of their customers being intimate (ie horizontal folk dancing), using certain wellness items and crashes, including Teslas running into people (those always bring a big laugh at data HQ in Buffalo, New York).
The home videos come courtesy of the cameras built into your Muskmobile that still go on recording when the car is parked and you think it’s gone to bed for the night. And if you’ve gone to bed for the night don’t think your Tesla’s not peering in through the patio window to see what you and your partner (or partners) are up to and then making a video that will appear on China’s funniest home TikTok.
And a disturbing report from the Daily Mail: “Multi-level car parks across Australia could be at risk of collapsing as the nation’s ageing infrastructure struggles to withstand the increasing weight of electric cars. Electric cars are extremely heavy, despite not having an internal combustion engine and fewer moving parts than standard petrol and diesel vehicles. The hi-tech cars are much heavier than their conventional counterparts because of the vehicle’s weighty battery packs.”
Moving on to your personal wealth, while we don’t give investment advice here, let’s just say if you own shares in a lithium miner, SELL, SELL, SELL. While all the so-called financial experts in the West have been talking up lithium as the only future for EV batteries our new trading friends in the east (ie China) have been changing from the very scarce Li (atomic number 3) to the very abundant Sodium (Na, atomic number 11). Now, like me, sodium may sound a bit exotic (particularly with an atomic number of 11), but pop into the pantry and check out the shelves. If you’ve got acres of Saxa (now owned by the septics) or David’s Kosher salt, or Himalayan Pink Rock Salt (if you live in Peppermint Grove or Nimbin) then you’re a winner.
Talking of things Asian, many readers have been decrying the demise of traditional Australian Chinese restaurants. Reader MM from Stepney, South Australia, writes: “It used to be you could stop in any rural or regional town and find an authentic Australian Chinese restaurant. You could order sweet and sour pork, prawns on toast, honeyed chicken and pineapple from the front of the menu and steak and eggs and a great schnitty from the Australian menu on the back. Now it’s all marinated jellyfish with sesame dressing, Jade Tiger Abalone Crystal Noodles and birds’ nests.”
Well MM it’s your lucky week, reader three Louise H writes from a road trip to Salamander Bay in NSW. “The Oceanic Restaurant here is the five-star Australian Chinese. Red brick decor. Spoons and forks instead of chopsticks. Prawn omelette, curried chicken and rice and on the Australian menu? French fries with tomato sauce.” Eat your heart out (pun intended) Leo Schofield and Callan Boys.
Moving on to our choice of the best second-hand cars for the average worker, we recommend you head off to the RM Sotheby’s Villa Erba sale next month. I’d have a squiz at the until now secret Swedish Aurora collection of Ferraris and Mercs.
The 1961 Ferrari 250 GT SWB Berlinetta by Scaglietti is one of the most beautiful sports GT cars ever created and only $14m. One of only 80, the 2011 Ferrari SA Aperta, produced to celebrate the 80th anniversary of Pininfarina, was shown to a private crowd at Pebble Beach in August 2011 and sold out on the spot – $560k 12 years ago, $2.5m in May.
There will be lots of F1 goss when we return to what passes for normal transmission next week, but can I just point out that we may just have an answer to the attempted revolution going on among top drivers against the FIA.
Kerrie M, reader 14 from the central coast of NSW, writes: “Instead of the boring Italian sparkling being sprayed around on the podium, why don’t the organisers take a leaf out of the Greeks’ book? When Al the Great (the Mad Max of the 300s) arrived in Asia after a big win, he went up to Troy (the Circuit de Monaco of Turkey), sacrificed to Athena and poured libations of Bollinger to the heroes of the Greek army.
He smeared himself with oil and ran a race naked with his companions, the Hamster and Fred Alonso, as the custom was, and then crowned with a wreath the grave of Achilles, the strongest warrior and hero in the Greek army during the Trojan War, who went on to give his name to a part of your foot.”
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