Look can I give you a hint?
If you are in the Persian rug business or any other dodgy caper that provides oodles of cash, don’t do what every other reseller of Colombian marching powder does and buy a Lamborghini – particularly a yellow one.
Can I tell you what the COT (Commissioner of Taxation) Chris Jordan, 69, of Sydney but commuting to Canberra (more on this later) does every morning?
The minute he gets into his office at Genge St (but moving soon to much swisher surrounds in a new six-storey building designed by BVN architects around a centrally focused atrium and feature circulation stair) a fax rolls out of his Rank Xerox with a list of every new ($400k to $600k, three year warranty and no spare tyre) and used Lambo sold the day before.
He then hands the thermal paper list to one of his minion fiscal fiends and tells them to follow everyone on the list, starting with the owners of the yellow ones, particularly the used yellow ones bought for cash at the confiscated-by-the-drug-squad quarterly sale.
Here’s a few of our recommendations for something that combines a fast getaway or drive-by with a certain je ne sais quoi. If the move from Lambo to say MX-5 is a privatised bridge too far then what about this 2021 Koenigsegg Regera from Bring a Trailer.
Excuse the pun but at $5m this is a steal! It comes with $1m worth of extras. And I’m not talking the extras you fell for when you bought the new Mazda 3 from the great white sharks of the car industry. Extras like nitrogen-filled tyres, mud flaps, the car bra, paint and fabric protection, rust proofing or the antistatic rubber strap that they told you prevents car sickness but the kiddies managed to fill the back seats up with technicolour yawn before you could stop the car so they could hug the porcelain throne.
No. I’m talking custom colour Candy Liquid Blue external paint with clear-coated exposed carbon fibre visible on the hood, removable roof panel and engine cover along with machine-turned gold-leaf accents.
I’m talking hollow carbon-fibre wheels featuring machine-turned gold-leaf accents that are secured by splined locknuts with gold Koenigsegg shields. Not to mention the carbon-fibre bucket seats with memory foam cushioning upholstered in blue and black leather, accented by contrasting stitching and embroidered gold Koenigsegg shields and script.
As Professors R. Furphy and G. Rissole wrote in their classic, Sh*t Towns of Australia: “Populated entirely by overpaid and underworked bureaucrats, parasitic scandal-embroiled politicians, ex-prime ministers, soon-to-be ex-prime ministers, sweaty porn barons, Chinese spies and kangaroos, Canberra is a town that celebrates flagrant corruption, rampant nepotism and beige blandness.”
For $384k, the good persons at Sydney’s Classic Throttle Shop will put you into one of the finest 1967 Series 1 Jaguar E-Type 4.2 litre Roadsters in what passes for a country.
Painted in a very subtle Carmen Red, importantly the original Blaupunkt stereo has been restored which is so critical to playing the genre of music that speaks to your inner life and desires. Beats like Bump, Bump, Bump” by B2K (ft. P. Diddy). B, B, B is booty shaking song, with “bump, bump, bump” being an encouragement for persons, usually of the non-male and non-other preference, to do so.
For around $30m, Steve McQueen’s 1967 Ferrari 275 GTB/4 by Scaglietti could do the midnight deliveries around Bondi and Freo without causing a stir. RM Sotheby’s will have it for you in August at the Monterey car porn spectacular. As you know Steve wasn’t a classically trained thespian – or any sort of thespian – but he was excellent at playing himself.
As the folks at RM say: Steve didn’t pretend to love fast cars, faster women and the scent of danger, but rather the opposite – a real-life person of action who happened to be able to act.
Our own (and Adelaide’s very own) Vern Schuppan (another a real-life person of action who happened to be able to drive so well he won Le Mans) bought Stevo’s motor in 2009 from Australian collector, property developer, Sydney Hobart sailor, motor racer and renaissance person Peter Harburg. Vern sent the Fezzer straight back to the factory for a 100,000km service and return to its original Berlinetta coachwork configuration. Vern then had RM sell the car in 2014 for about $14m.
Leaving the best to last.
Today Bonhams starts an online auction for the late Paul Walker-driven 2000 Nissan Skyline R34 GT-R by Kaizo. True petrol heads will remember this beautiful blue car (and the other stand-ins) from Fast and Furious 4, which is a movie with a limited plot but the best car scenes designed to transmute into an irresponsible video game for the kiddies.
One of the most famous modern-day movie cars, this is the ‘‘one and only’’ authentic R34 GT-R appearing on screen in the movie, which featured in the hero shots with Paul Walker, including one of the late actor sitting on its hood. There you go. Have someone famous sit on your hood and your ride is worth $1.5m.
Talking of hoods, it’s only a few more sleeps till the coronation. Naturally first on Chuck’s invite list was our very own Official Painter of Nude Portraits to the Royal House of Windsor, Sir Michael McMichael. So unfortunately, you won’t be able to see Mick, me and The Australian pens that don’t work until Targa Tasmania now in October. If you are looking for a good time before then head to Phillip Island in two weeks for the first race of the Mobil Australian Production Cars season. The sane member of WART will be in the same Raceway Track Time Mazda SP25 that saw a huge class win earlier this year in Winton. No free pens that don’t work but some old issues of the Weekend Australian.