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You know that we have crusaded for years to stop drug dealers buying Lambos.

Particularly pink and yellow ones. I mean, seriously, you might as well have a flashing neon sign on the back of your ­Huracan saying: “Fun police stop me and search my car now.”

For $650k, a saving of about $300k (and doesn’t every penny count these days with the lucky country’s hyper­inflation seeing the price of a latte hit $5.80), you can buy a 1988 Lamborghini LM002 SUV.

You’re thinking “Johnny Boy (girl or other), you must be going Captain Rats!” Lambo SUVs are all called Urus, meaning an extinct, shaggy, long-horned wild ox (bos primigenius) or a naughty part of the body (humani corporis). Imagine pulling up outside the human ponytail’s Margaret at Double Pay and some smarty, like celebrity stockpicker Gus Aitken or company director John Green, yelling out: “You’ve got a nice Urus there.”

No, we’re talking the Rambo Lambo.

Developed by Patrick Mimran when he was 25 and CEO and owner of Lambo (he and his bro bought it for $3m when the company was belly-up), the LM was meant for the military, but they didn’t want it (even in pink) so Pat plonked a 350KW, 5.2-litre, 48-valve V-12 fed by six dual-throat Weber carburettors in the front, full stereo in the roof, lots of wood on the dash, 345mm run flat Pirelli Scorpions on the wheels and ciggy lighter (note to carmakers: bring back the ciggy lighter, outdoor up and down radio aerial, bench seats and ashtrays to supercharge sales) and sold 301.

Pat has since become (as you do) a contemporary French multimedia artist and composer (much like the Sultan). Pat’s 7.5m sculpture, Jet Set Giraffe, is considered the tallest giraffe sculpture in the world. I didn’t know there was a tallest giraffe sculpture in the world comp but I do know that Mick, now out of his crook bed, is working on the world’s tallest nude sculpture of the royal family (unfortunately sans Meghan) to go in the courtyard of the Kensi.

Twenty readers, one friend and eldest son who occasionally reads this column to stay somewhat near the will, you heard it here first: Premier Li Qiang, 64, of China, is dropping into the Corner Bar on Regent and Thornton streets this week to talk to the Sultan about a nude sculpture of his boss, emperor for life Xi Jinping, 70, who is about the same height and weight as deposed Australian emperor for life A.J. Abbott.

Li is under strict instructions to make sure he gets the details right of Xi’s life partner, folk singer Peng Liyuan, whose hits include the reggae fav Everybody Says My Hometown is Beautiful and the UK funky-style ditty, Laundry Song: “Who is going to help us turn over a new leaf? It’s the dear PLA. Helping us to wash our clothes Hey! Who is going to help us to fix the roads? Who is going to help us to build bridges? It’s the dear PLA.”

Yes readers, the Montreal F1 on the Circuit Gilles-Villeneuve on the Notre Dame Island was a sensational race for Kayo viewers but really terrible if you had paid to get into the track. Remember, this is a track that has a huge amount of F1 history, a lot of it bad and, if you are an animal lover, even worse. Alan Jones won the second and third races at this track. There have been some ­fatalities, a lot of serious drivers have stopped to admire the wall of champions, and kiddies, don’t try this on your racetrack at home, but in 1995 Mick Schumacher gave race winner Jean Alesi a lift back to the pits on top of his Feezer after Alesi’s car ran out of fuel. And don’t mention groundhog fatalities.

The reality is the Montreal track is more about the drivers than the cars and the results showed just how good the first six or seven drivers are and how close the Mercs, Williams and even Aston Martin are to the Red Bulls. Three leaders on a slippery track with a couple of heavy doses of rain, tyre choices were critical, a safety car changing the outcome and every driver managing to find grass, concrete and other non-formal spots on the 70-lap island. The real star of the race was 31-year-old Kevin Magnussen who, in the wet, came from 14th on the grid going through the field like a dose of salts and got to fifth and was threatening to do even better when the rain stopped. For trivia lovers, Sunday was the 56th anniversary of McLaren’s first ever F1 Grand Prix win with Bruce ­McLaren at Spa in 1968.

But for F1 lovers just about everyone on the track was racing hard and close. Both Williams (powered by Mercedes) didn’t finish. Both Ferraris (powered by … well you know who) joined them (are you looking worried Hamo?) and Sergio Perez’s Honda-powered Red Bull hit the wall near the end. Luckily, he signed the contract to stay on with Red Bull before the race.

Talking of Toyota, this week we tested a beautiful black GR Yaris manual at the challenging (think lots of concrete walls of champions) Steve Shelley’s Pheasant Wood circuit.

The test car was made available by fellow track day tester Sarah of Canberra with supervision by Raceway Track Time’s Phil Alexander.

If you’re a green person then this car should be a winner for you. Only three cylinders. But good for 230km/h. You don’t get much for $60k these days. Maybe a lunch with Ben Lyons at The Heritage on The Terrace, but otherwise it’s some Nana and Grandpa EV from China or worse.

Of course, if you have no kiddies and no emotional or other baggage you could buy an MX-5.

To the untrained eye the GR looks like a (very) ordinary $25k Yaris. But behind the wheel this is a rocket ship that handles as well as an MX-5 and is faster and much more comfy.

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