What an end to the 2023 F1 season. In an absolute surprise, Max Verstappen, 26, clog, officer of the Order of Orange-Nassau and 2023 winner of the most (wins in a season, wins in a month, wins from pole, most wins not from pole, most magic words in the one radio call during a race, etc, etc) won the last race of the season by 18 seconds – or the equivalent in our world, three hours.
And what were the 2023 highlights of a sport worth $37bn a year, with 10 teams worth over $1.5bn each and the top drivers earning up to $5m a race? Well in Abu Dhabi on the weekend, that old prankster, Mad Max (winning 19 races out of 22 starts and taking home $105m before super) went and put a Red Bull sticker on the back of Chuck Leclerc's (annual salary $28m) race suit. Then the Hamster admitted he was only human. Yup as Hamo told me over the psychic internet: "I ask myself … Do you still have it? Has it gone?" Based on recent photos I think Hamo is talking about his hair.
And the joint was full of stars you've mainly never heard of. Luckily, our very own Hemsworth bros were sitting in the front row (of seats). Soccer player, Ronaldo (pay slip shows $382m this year, less union fees) was looking, well how do I put this nicely without body shaming? a bit on the tubby side. Strange besties were Jason Statham (who has less hair than Hamo) and Yuki Tsunoda, 33, of Japan.
Jason clearly passed on what he learnt from the Fast and Furious franchise because Yuki was the best and most exciting driver of the day in a crook car. Yuki and our own bro' Dan Ricciardo, drive for Alpha Tauri which is a clothing brand owned by Red Bull that only Jason Statham could get away with wearing – because no one would dare to say to him, you "look like a bit of a dick in that $600 T-shirt".
Now don't confuse Alpha Tauri (which is changing its name next year to reflect new sponsors) with Alfa Romeo which has pulled out of F1 because its cars had too many oil leaks and electrical problems and the team was only worth $1.2bn despite coming second last.
Good to have the team at Road & Track take my lead and announce the 2023 Chevy Corvette its 2023 Performance Car of the Year. "For its staggering track performance and engagement on the road, we anoint the 2023 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 our champion." My favourite car that you can't afford to buy or wait for here beat a Lambo, Porker and BMW M4 CSL and some other rubbish.
Talking of Porkers, one car Bonhams did sell in Yas Marina was one of two 1993 964 Carrera RSR Strassenversions in barn condition. It sold for $3.2m. Now given a Porsche 918 Spyder went for a million less and a McLaren P1 went for $500,000 cheaper you have to wonder who is really driving the karma bus out there in the desert.