The real winner in Melbourne last weekend (apart from sport, which is always the winner, unless it’s cricket) was the Duncraig-raised Danny Ricciardo. In lap 54 Danny pedalled his Aston Martin-backed, Renault-powered Red Bull RB14 to a 222km/h fastest lap for the race, which left the German-born Seb Vettel (the race winner) and England’s Lou Hamilton (who should have won the race but for Ferrari’s superior race strategy) in his wake everywhere except where it counted, which was over the finish line.
German Michael Schumacher was still 4km/h faster around the track in 2004 but Danny was a lot quicker than England’s Stirling Moss, who could only manage 164km/h to beat Hurstville’s Jack Brabham around a somewhat similar track 60 years ago.
The big controversy is over the Haas team’s very close relationship with Ferrari. It’s the first US F1 entry since 1986 but owner Gene Haas of the machine tool company of the same name (Haas not Gene), doesn’t yet trust US drivers so has the French/Swiss Roman Grosjean and the Danish Kev Magnussen behind the wheels. Incredibly, the newish team took the third row of the grid (5th and 6th fastest) and both Force India and McLaren want to know how come.
Force India boss, the Romanian-born Otmar Szafnauer, said: “I don’t know how they do it; it’s magic,” he said. “It’s never been done before in Formula 1. I just don’t know how it can be right that someone who’s been in the sport for a couple of years with no resources could produce a car … does it happen by magic? If it does, I want the wand.” The Spanish-born McLaren driver Fernando Alonso called the 2018 Haas “a Ferrari replica”. F1 rules make it a crime punishable by castration to pass your technical stuff on to another team that both Otmar and Ferdie believe is happening.
Anyway, why don’t you stop reading about F1 and buy a car and get out there yourself? On May 11 in Monte Carlo, the tax haven for all F1 drivers past, present and future, you can buy one of three serious racers. If there’s a lazy $11 million in the sky rocket, I’d jump at the chance to pick up the ex-Ayrton Senna, record-setting, final Monaco Grand Prix-winning, 1993 McLaren-Ford MP4/8A Formula 1 mobile. Brazilian-born Senno is the only canonised saint of F1.
While Senna relics like one of his helmets can bring up to $150,000, F1 does not guarantee any miracles like raising the dead or the Fitzroy Football Club if you touch them. Senno is the crankiest of all the saints. In 1993, for instance, his McLaren team had ended a successful engine supply deal with Honda and had to do a last-minute deal with Ford. “De jeito nenhum, Jose,” said Senno. But McLaren talked him into staying on race by race for $1m a drive (a million was a lot of Brazilian reals in 1993 compared to now, when it would hardly buy you a double-shot almond milk latte in your own plastic mug from Perth’s Northbridge or any other burb in the microburbs hip score rankings). Senno was shocked. The McLaren Ford was so technologically and mechanically sophisticated that he told me, and I quote: “Crikey Cara, this bloody Yank tank goes like a scalded cat after a few Coopers.” Senno ended up driving it in eight races.
Two days later (not in 1993 but in May this year in Bert Grimaldi land) RM Sothebys will be auctioning off not one but two ready-to-drive F1 beasts. The first is the 1992 Benetton B192 driven by the soon-to-be-canonised Michael Schumacher in the Spanish Grand Prix. And for Aussie patriots, why not buy the 1999 Jordan 199 Formula 1 car that Monchengladbach-born Heinz-Harald Frentzen drove to second at the 1999 Australian Grand Prix?
Today’s trivia quiz: what’s the connection between Schuey and HHF? No pens that don’t work for answering that the soon-to-be St Michael’s wife, Corinna Schumacher, and HHF were an item for a long time before she married Mick after meeting him at a Ferrari party.
And you’ll be pleased to know that if you’re thinking of going green, electric or any other nonsense colour or energy source, the team here at The Weekend Australian in the business section under the Stephen Bartholomeusz column have found the perfect car for you. Yes, it’s the $500,000 Hennessey Velociraptor 6X6 with the twin turbo upgrade for more power and performance. The 450KW-plus upgrade includes twin turbochargers, stainless steel exhaust modifications, upgraded front-mounted, air-to-air intercooler and plumbing and retuned factory computer. Friend, just look at today’s photo and swoon.
Next week our first-ever road test. Michael (the only doctor in the world with dodgy degrees in brain surgery, BMW technology, nude faith healing and Coopers tasting) McMichael and I drive the Merc E300 in Tassie. No this was not a factory authorised or assisted test.
