Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the dealership.
The service manager smelled her now, and the vibrations – erratic and sharp – signalled distress. The manager began to circle close. For the first time, the woman felt fear, though she did not know why. She had only brought her car in because the battery warning light had come on – $200 to $350 tops.
The manager was about four metres away from the woman, off to the side, when he turned suddenly to the left, dropped entirely below the service counter, and with two quick steps, was upon her. It was that quick. There was no initial pain, only one violent tug on her wallet. To get the car running again the gearbox would have to be replaced … at a cost of approximately $14,000. (Apologies to Peter Benchley.)
It was only 13 words last week: "I'm researching a column on car servicing. Love to hear your experiences." But it brought an explosion of emails that made Vesuvius's eruption in AD79 which took out Pompeii, Herculaneum, Oplontis, Stabiae, Stepney and Peppermint Grove, look like a fizzer. Even persons who are not part of the tight (as in the Ernest Hemingway meaning of tight) motley crew of 20 readers, one friend and my eldest son wrote in. Readers and non-readers, this is clearly a bigger issue than I thought. At some stage all the research, including your firsthand experiences, will form part of a special investigative report that will win our team a Walkley Award, a Pulitzer Prize, a Nobel Prize or the Miss Australia Award.
Just to give you a sense of what's to come, let's look at the most common rorts in the car service caper.
1. The do nothing but charge you plenty rort
Rob from Queensland took his Toyota to the local dealer for a regular service including rotating the tyres. He paid the invoice, which itemised the fees including the charge to move the wheels around. He rang the service manager and set up an appointment for the following morning. He showed him the service report and invoice and asked him how his mechanic rotated the road wheels. When he had finished, Rob asked how this was done with his car's wheels having anti-theft wheel nuts and the key nut was sitting in his pocket during that time. He had forgotten to hand the key nut over to them prior to the service. A very red face and lots of fluster on his part. He then requested they return the Camry and he would personally see that the full service was carried out again. This made Rob wonder what else they hadn't done.
Reader JH tells us: "As one young apprentice said to me: 'When it gets to 4 o'clock and there are still three cars waiting in the service bay, what do you think happens?'. One very big multi-brand car dealer prided himself on never servicing 60 per cent of the cars that came in."
2. The nothing needed but I'll sell you something anyway rort.
Mark emailed from Scotland (but he lives in Victoria): "My daughter bought a slightly used Subaru Outback and took it to the local Subaru dealership for a service. Later the service manager rang and said it needed a new catalytic converter and new battery. Estimate of around $4000 for the converter and $450 for the battery. I told her to say no. Mycar checked it, cleared a minor fault, replaced the battery for $220."
3. The extended warranty rort.
Reader Graham says he bought a Jaguar Epace Diesel new with an included extended warranty of two years above the standard three years. "The extended warranty was clearly shown on the sales invoice. In early June this year, a fluid leak developed and I took the car to Brisbane City Jaguar. They found a leaking bung on the timing cover and quoted $260 to fix. I said the car was under extended warranty, but they said it wasn't registered with the insurer Allianz. So now the dealer and Land Rover Australia are in dispute over who has to register the warranty. Meanwhile, I had to pay the $260 to get the car fixed and back."
More on service soon. But, at the risk of being sexist, can I say women are a particular target of service sharks. Look for dealerships with women in management.
Moving back to that other circus: the Hamster had a great third on Sunday in Canada; Red Bull's reserve driver, Estonia's Juri Vips, has been suspended for using really nasty racist language; St Kilda has kept the Australian GP; Madrid wants one and Russian driver Nikita Mazepin, who Haas flicked because his dad (also a major sponsor) is a close mate of Mr. V. Putin, 70, autocrat, Pres of Russia and invader of Ukraine, is suing his old team for back pay and morning tea allowances.
Finally, the ultimate car porn. Thanks to RM Sotheby's, the video of 'The best Ferrari ever built', the 1955 Ferrari 410 Sport Spider, raced by Carroll Shelby, Fangio, Phil Hill, Michael McMichael and other legendary drivers, is on the RM website. The Feezer can be yours for $50m at the RM Monterey sale in August.