Try this quick quiz: How did Mercedes do last Sunday at the clog fest?
Which F1 team did Dutch bailiffs lock up at Zandvoort because of $13m owed to a former sponsor? The most famous soap dodger carmaker was born on August 28 a few years ago. What was his name?
What happened to Jaguar? Which brewer just opened the world’s best beer palace only 26 minutes from the Kensi?
The answers to these and some other important questions in this or any life in today’s bumper edition of the daily diary of the Australian dream.
First, we go off to Zandvoort, the most dangerous track in F1 and not just because you can eat raw herrings whole nearby.
It was certainly dangerous for 23-year-old Logan Sargeant, America’s great F1 hope, who has devoted half of his young life to competing in the world’s greatest sport and became only the third septic to make it.
The real fun started well before the Sunday main event. In practice on Saturday, Logan dropped two wheels on the grass, hitting the barriers on the exit of turn 3 before coming back on the track with his rear on fire.
Problem was Logan didn’t know his backside was on fire until someone told him to jump out. Then he was given the flick from his team and F1. Twenty-one-year-old, Argentine Franco Colapinto replaces him.
Despite stuffing up the start again, Leaping Lando won by 20 seconds, or the F1 equivalent of one million light years. Mad Max came first of the losers and there’s no doubt his car just didn’t have the pace despite having the best driver.
Chris (brother of Little Jack) Horner’s Red Bull team has two crap (compared to where they were) cars. They don’t go, they don’t steer well and they have severe tyre wear issues – and McLaren is just super-fast.
But Max keeps piling on the points. He’s still 70 points ahead of Leaping Lando. LL passed Max a quarter way through the race and was never seen again. Ferrari did much better, Mercedes were OK but remember Mercedes-engined cars took five of the top 10 spots on Sunday. Wonder why the Mercster top brass don’t advertise that?
Merc F1 chief Toto Wolff was probably focused on announcing 18-year-old Italian driver Kimi Antonelli as Mad Max’s replacement for next year while penning articles for the Harvard Business Review on leadership – a sure sign a CEO is on the way out. And talking of new drivers, Gold Coast lad Jack Doohan, 21, son of motorcycle champ Michael Sydney Doohan, 60, will steer for Alpine next year.
The folks at Haas were focused on getting the clamps off their trucks. The clog equivalent of Constable Plod had repossessed all their kit because they owed $13m to former sponsor, Russian fertiliser firm Uralkali. Uralkali is one of the top 100 polluters in Holy Mother Russia where the competition is so tough that just getting on the top 100 list is harder that an F1 podium.
And the fun is starting even earlier for this weekend’s Italian GP. On Thursday at the Autodromo Nazionale Monza, the Aston Martin Vantage safety car crashed while looking over the track. Officials couldn’t call out the safety car for the safety car – the safety car was in the wall.
In other racing news, a Sealy (Texas) Independent School District bus driver is alleged to have driven very slowly with the windows up on a 40C day to punish the children’s bad behaviour. Before handing out the “what we would all have loved to do it we could have got away with it’ award, stewards reviewed a video replay showing the ankle biters begging the driver to speed up and open the windows.
One child simpers: “Miss, it’s hot back here”, “It’s so hot, bro” and “These children need to breathe! You need to get us home!”
In car sales news, subtle seller of superior supercars Tom Hartley Jr has just sold the 1953 24 Hours of Le Mans-winning Jaguar C-Type, for a large undisclosed amount. One of only three Lightweight C-types produced, this dark British Racing Green with green leather piece of metal sex on wheels incredibly still retains its original chassis, body and engine.
In 2003 a 1953 Le Mans Jag sold for $2m. In 2015 the fourth-placed Jag sold for $13m.
And talking of Jags: “How did it comes to pass that one of Britain’s most respected car manufacturers (and coveted names) fell into such dire straits?” writes Andrew English in the soap dodger Telegraph.
“We all love a Jaguar, despite its recent products perhaps lacking the sparkle and sheer desirability of seminal cars such as the E-Type, original XJ6, Mk2 saloon and XK120. Which is why it’s so shocking that by next spring it might be producing only one car. Depending on who you talk to, it might even have no models to sell until its new series of fully electric large cars comes on stream, some time in 2025.”
Former Jag owner Ford tell us it is on track to lose $9bn this year. In the June quarter, it lost $56,000 on every EV it sold.
In a late report from the Nation’s Action Track, Winton Motor Raceway, history was made when veteran racer Andy Boydell (son of more veteran Renault racer Ian) became the only driver in world history to win the Winton 300 for the second time on the track.
Andy was helped by co-driver and Mad Max of MX-5s, Todd Herring. Coming sixth was Kiara Zabetakis, 17, with guess who as co-driver, yup the youngest of the Herrings, Jett. Other highlights included equally young Ronin Lindenmayer driving the whole race himself and taking a division E third in the Phil Alexander MX-5, while Phil Alexander and your correspondent managed 17 minutes before the front wheel bearing fell off.
And YouGov research found Toyota is the top auto brand in the US among all Septics.
And Her Excellency the Honourable Frances Adamson AC admits she and hubby Rod always serve Coopers – every Coopers style – and they drink it themselves at Government House. Fran was speaking at the opening of the world’s best beer palace with new restaurant, three bars, whisky distillery, microbrewery tasting room, interactive history display, merchandise and special statue of the Honourable Michael McMichael, their best customer in 162 years. Only 26 minutes from the Kensi (probably best not to drive back).
