So now we know Lewis Hamilton is so relaxed that he watches the big screen on the track while he is racing; that Sebastian Vettel is so unrelaxed that he can break the world record for using the F word while shaking his finger at another driver while racing; that Wayne Gardner is out of Japanese jail after he said “extortion was the name of the game”; that car makers aren’t the only ones making dud vehicles after the British army’s new General Dynamics $6.5 billion mini-tanks were “denounced as useless death traps”; that John Flynn of Canberra not only collected Rovers, he also collected taps (as in hot and cold); that Dubai property developer Balwinder Sahni has paid $12 million for a licence plate for one of his two Rolls Royces; that Dean How has just put his ex-Bernie McClure 1974 LH Torana L34 up for sale at $150,000; that the do-gooders are telling us more speed cameras will cut deaths on country roads even if the speed cameras aren’t on those roads; and that drivers of polluting diesel vehicles will be charged to enter London.
Now we’ve covered the rest of the news, let’s get to the big story of the week, the second annual 24 Hours of LeMons at the home of motor racing and the big merino and the maximum security jail, Goulburn. Well, really it was at Wakefield Park near Goulburn.
Just like Stirling Moss and I never drop names, here at Weekend Australian Racing Team (WART) we never complain (unlike Vettel) about race officials. But while circuit super boss Matt Baragwanath was busy on other matters, one of his scrutineers took offence at an innocent remark made by a WART member. Now, perhaps it did include the magic word as used by at least one F1 driver over international television last Sunday and perhaps it did make reference to his complete lack of mechanical knowledge and some genetic deficiencies his parents may have passed on including blindness and his comments about the Supercar BMW demonstrated that the wheel was spinning but the hamster was dead, but friends, did that deserve a penalty of ten laps that made the difference between a great result and a fantastic result?
Then another one of our team who will remain nameless but is the motoring editor of this great and successful publication did perhaps get on the wrong side of another volunteer official, who is also a federal public servant. Our team member mentioned that his son had just joined the same workforce. “He did ask me if I had any advice. I said, ‘son, don’t look out the window in the morning’. ‘Dad, why shouldn’t I look out the window in the morning?’. ‘Because then you’d have nothing to do in the afternoon’.” Anyway that was another 10-lap penalty.
Now, apart from the penalties, there was the little issue of our pit stops. A good pit stop in F1 is around 12 seconds. Ours were taking 19 minutes. Then some of the team came back in immediately after the pit stop because they thought the rear wheels were coming off rather than because the shocks had given way after 300,000km and one other came in just because he wanted a smoke.
Please don’t get the wrong idea. We were serious. Well, as serious as a team of five readers, two motoring writers, three BMW technicians, a lawyer and an accountant could be in a 24-year-old car that doubles as a part-time snake house in a field of 48 lemons of which only five died over the two days and 600 laps. Unfortunately for Australia, a foreign car, a very hot Peugeot Clio Sport, took the yellow flag from the No Huckin Fope team in this country’s very own 2004 Ford Falcon. Third was the BMW 323ci followed by two Hyundai Excels.
Talking of German cars, now that the world is back living in the 1930s again, it was good to see a Mercedes cleverly disguised as a Panzer tank complete with gun barrel, turret and Hogan’s Heroes theme played loudly down the straight. Naturally, the team were in costume with helmets, Fuhrer moustaches and two attractive female soldiers whose uniforms had clearly shrunk in the wash.
Apart from the winning Renault, there was a big international presence although more of the ’Allo ’Allo variety than the special forces. There was the BoneParts Retreat team in a Peugeot 206, lots of BMWs, a Volvo S40 and lots of Japanese including a Mitsubishi Magna cross Datsun 120Y ute with a huge, multi-hundred KW engine packed in the back.
Finally, a blatant ad for our Perth team member David Dye’s business. David started on the tools and now owns the west’s most successful combined prestige car dealership, restaurant and radio station 3MW.
This is a shortened version of the original article. Read the rest at: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/life/motoring/meanwhile-at-wakefield-park-lemons-juices-flowed/news-story/d7cda4ed42a2321ff14f7be782a3daf0?login=1
