Last week, Mick and I drove from Spa to Congham, SDL (soap dodger land) to cover the 2024 Snail Racing World Championships. After weeks of speculation and debate, megastar gastropod Jeff silenced all his doubters with a commanding victory. Jeff, hailed as possibly the greatest snail of all time to emerge from Congham, and ecstatic owner and trainer Simon Lilley (who assured us he was no relation to Dennis) received the World Championship Trophy from Snail Master Nicholas Dickinson and Ian Haynes. Unfortunately, it was all a bit much for Jeff who did leave a deposit on the base of the trophy (haven’t we all done something like that?). Jeff won in four minutes and five seconds. A good time compared to last year’s winner, Lettie, who took seven minutes 24 seconds to get her nose across the metaphorical chequered flag. But Sammy’s 2019 world record of two minutes 38 seconds remains intact.
The crowd of six roared with excitement as the starter echoed the SRWC version of the Indy 500’s “Gentlemen/women and others start your engines”. “Ready, steady, slow” and the championship race was under way. Eighty-five snails, five heats and months of training had led to this moment. Jeff broke away early on the well-ironed and starched but somewhat damp tablecloth. By the time his nose hit the line Jeff was six shell and body lengths ahead of his nearest rival, Eric.
“It isn’t the greatest spectator sport in the world,” Dickinson told the NYT. “Diet and exercise. You need both,” Jeff’s owner Simon told us. “And he loves his green leaves.”
If you are thinking about taking the kiddies next year, father-of-three Mick says: “Be ready to put your hand across their eyes. There’s quite a bit of snail-on-snail activity in some of the races.” On the other hand, we think the kiddies and sensitive older persons will be safe at the 2025 World Worm Charming Championships in June in Willaston (SDL).
Of course, Jeff’s easy win was in stark contrast to that other soap dodger in a German car, Sir Lewis Hamilton, who slid in half a second ahead of Kanga Oscar with Ferrari’s Chuck Leclerc third, last weekend in Spa which is said to be in Belgium. The Jeff of F1, Mad Max, was fourth.
Quick summary. Georgie Russell knew better than Pirelli and his team and every other so called automotive genius that as his tyres were wearing they were getting faster. So, he only made one stop and that was a winner till the fun police weighed his car and said it was too light. Bye Bye Georgie. Hullo tear attack.
Mad Max drove well from 11th on the grid but his car was not as fast as some others. The McLaren strategy was crap again. Norris started badly (again) and he found the gravel and Ferrari were slow. Sergio will stay at Red Bull and Carlos Sainz will join Williams and Dan will stay at the Appmobile mob.
More importantly just a few weeks of more sleeps to Monterey Car Week where the phrase “too much money is never enough” was invented. Seven auctions; one Prancing Ponies Women’s Car Show, featuring women-owned exotic, classic, muscle, sport and electric cars; one Ferrari owners club concours featuring, well Fezzers and classic Italian motorcycles; one Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance; one lot of vintage racing at the Rolex Monterey Motorsports Reunion and one Stillwater Surf & Turf with grilled filet, lobster tail, potato herb puree, mushroom, tomato, asparagus, cipollini, red wine demi-glace (gluten free) for $150 and one night in the Eastwood (Clint) Cottage on the famed first fairway at Pebble Beach Golf Links, a snip at $12k.
Of course, the big question is: will ebullient resources player and former member of the Australian parliament, Clive Palmer, be in Monterey to add to his collection of 1000 cars?
Look I know you’re tired of me talking about all the Feezers on sale next month. Yes, there’s a big range running from $30 mill all the way down to $15 mill but let’s leave those for large-time buyers like Clive and Peter Burrows.
Instead let me present the buy of the millennium. It’s a 40th anniversary tribute to the 1984 Paris-Dakar Rally-winning 953. Two Connolly (no relation) leather and houndstooth fabric bucket seats fitted with lap belts. Rack-and-pinion steering, Brembo hydraulic brakes, independent wishbone suspension, and coil over shock absorbers. Yours for around $40k at RM Sotheby’s. Well, it is a car for the kiddies. But what ankle biter wouldn’t want a Porker with a 400cc engine generating 11kw horsepower for speeds of up to 80km/h, handpainted in the two-tone iconic Rothmans livery? How much fun will you have explaining to little Astrid, Audrey, JJ or William what Rothmans are and how you could do the drawback while blowing smoke rings?
OK. Want something grown up and funky?
Dave Gooding says mention the Sultan for a special price on the 1966 Austin Mini Moke “Mini Surfer”. Twenty readers this is the real deal. A one of three special-Edition Mini Mokes made to promote The Beach Boys. For not so funky readers, The Beach Boys are an American rock band formed in Hawthorne, California, in 1961. Their early beats reflected the Southern California youth culture of surfing, cars and sex called the California sound. Their tunes included car classics like Little Deuce Coupe and unique lyrics like: “He’s hot with ram induction”; “She makes the Indy 500 look like a Roman chariot race, now” and the almost Shakespearean sonnet: “She always turns in the fastest times (giddy up, giddy up 409), my four-speed, dual quad, posi traction 409”.
So, for $100k, you get one of the unsafest cars in the history of powered vehicles.
Don’t forget to join us at Winton (Victoria) for the Winton 300 where your WART team of Phil Alexander and Sammy the Snail Connolly will be looking for an another Division Z win.
