Friends and readers, you know it's true. Our great country is in a mess. Download speeds on the NBN are slower than chiselling out a letter in ancient Mesopotamia. Reading literacy among kiddies is lower than Moldova and electric car sales are shockingly high (sorry).
Our once great economy is in the toilet and pestilence is everywhere. A Roy Morgan survey this week found Australia is one of the least confident countries in the world. In fact, we are only saved from getting the wooden spoon in gloominess by Lebanon.
But, as history shows, out of great turmoil leaders emerge. Yes, friends and readers, last Wednesday, the Sultan of Stepney, the King of Kensi, the Official Nude Portrait Painter to the royal family (except two), the Baron of Beemers, rang me to say he had the answer.
"Get down here to Global HQ in Regent Street ASAP," the old bloke muttered from his landline. Normally, I would have been on the next plane but the boss has us all on an austerity program, so it was the 7pm Firefly bus from Sydney's Central Station arriving near the Kensi Hotel 24 hours later. For $120 with on-board toilet and Wi-Fi, it was a snip.
Anyway, there was Mick looking very pleased with himself taking advantage of Corner Bar Fridays with a few $10 Expresso Martinis, two for one sparkling wines and sipping a Coopers Sparkling Ale in the new red tin.
"What this country needs is a big event to take everyone's mind off the pestilence and pollies. You and I need to take our mighty 1989 Beemer 3 series and break the round Australia record."
Readers, you may remember I nearly bought the 1980 Commodore L sedan at last year's Manheim auction that Evan Green and Matt Whelan took 10 days and two hours to drive around the mainland. Then they took a Falcon around in six days, 16 hours. A Motor magazine team took eight hours off that and then three years ago, the Highway 1 to Hell team in a Toyota LandCruiser killed it in five days and 13 hours.
In March things will look better after a visit to the most exclusive, rare and valuable showcase of automobiles ever curated in the Southern Hemisphere, the Sydney Harbour Concours D'Elegance sponsored by the Fezza company. Held in the grounds of Shane Moran's Swifts (the largest Victorian Gothic Revival house in Australia), the metal line-up includes a 1964 Fezza 250 GT, a 1982 Lancia Rally 037 Stradale and a 1954 Muntz Jet.