China was supposed to be a Formula 1 race. Instead, it turned into an EV hell. A group EV motor warranty claim. Another reason to not buy an EV.

But here's the kicker.

McLaren had the first two cars not to start. Their electric engines were fudged. Merc had the first two cars to finish the race. But all four have Mercedes engines. No favouritism there.

Leaping Lando's car failed in the garage; OJ Piastri's made the grid, then stopped. Both failures were electrical, on the same component area, but were different faults.

So, did the Commies hack the cars? Was it someone from the Williams team? They also have very slow Merc engines.

And poor OJ just keeps copping it. In Melbourne he was left holding the bag for funny electrics after a very short start. In China he didn't even get the opportunity to make a mistake before the thing died under him.

Drivers wanted, IT degree preferred

If you are looking for the cleanest summary of 2026 Formula One so far, it's this: the cars are so advanced that nobody can quite trust them, and the drivers are increasingly becoming very expensive systems managers with neck muscles. It's great for television, no question. Great for the old-fashioned art of driving? That's less clear.

Mad Max calls roadside assistance

Mad Max Verstappen's Sunday was the same sermon from a different church. His late-race failure was officially a power unit problem, and Red Bull later pinned it on an ERS coolant fault. That was separate from his miserable starts, when he complained he had "no power" as soon as he released the clutch. So even the best driver on earth is now stuck dealing with the sort of electrical and hybrid weirdness that would have a suburban EV owner on hold to roadside assistance. Verstappen called the whole thing a "joke".

Good vibrations, terrible outcome

Then we get to Aston Martin and the Beach Boys section: Good Vibrations.

Good, good, good, good vibrations; I'm pickin' up good vibrations, through my fingers; My Aston's giving me nerve damage through good vibrations.

The Honda power unit's vibration is passing through the chassis, shaking bits off the car and risking nerve damage to Ferdy Alonso and the Strollster's fingers. In Melbourne Ferdy said he couldn't do more than about 25 laps without risking lasting damage; in China he said he was struggling to feel his hands and feet from lap 20 to 35 before the team parked the thing. So, while F1 keeps telling us this is the future, Aston Martin has accidentally built a massage chair that can qualify.

Great TV, dodgy motoring

The Chinese Grand Prix had everything the sport's commercial overlords could want: a teenage winner (second youngest after Mad Max), a Mercedes one-two, a very, very happy Sir Hamo back on the podium for Ferrari, wheel-to-wheel fights everywhere, Verstappen hosing down the regulations with flamethrower-grade contempt, and McLaren somehow managing to have both cars on the grid and neither in the race.

That, in one neat package, is the problem with the new era. It's a wonderful spectacle, clever engineering and close racing for TV – and half the field sounds like it needs an electrician, a neurologist or both.

Hamilton Inc cashes in

Look, from a strictly commercial point of view Hamo doesn't have to do too much to pump the Ferrari share price. His move to Maranello saw the company's sponsorship/brand segment sales jump 40 per cent. The Hamster's personal brand drew the dollars through merchandising, licensing and fashion.

The new collection is aimed at working folk. You can buy a nice Ferrari pen for $38,000, a set of skittles for $7000 or a nice white T-shirt for $838.

Roller backs away from the battery cult

Talking of EVs, Rolls-Royce is the latest maker to give up its electric dreams. Its then boss, Torsten Muller-Otvos, proclaimed: "By the end of 2030 we will no longer be in the business of producing vehicles with internal combustion engines." Nice thought Torsten, but it turns out Roller buyers want V-12s.

Mad Max escapes to the green hell

While Formula One disappears further up its own battery-management spreadsheet, Mad Max is doing what any normal revhead would do – heading somewhere with trees, danger and no one talking about "energy deployment windows". He has confirmed he will tackle the Nurburgring 24 Hours in May, which sounds a lot more fun than driving an F1 car that needs counselling.

Better still, today, you can watch him live in the Nurburgring Langstrecken-Serie. Mad Max is in a Mercedes-AMG GT3 in a very long race with 131 other competitors on the "Green Hell", the world's greatest stretch of organised lunacy. This is not some vanity run by a bloke with too many trophies and a Red Bull fridge. Last year he raced there and won, so he is not turning up for a tourist lap, a selfie and a bratwurst.

If modern F1 is starting to feel like an IT issue, Mad Max has thoughtfully provided an alternative.

Still no joy from Beemer HQ

And in our long-running Beemer saga, Victorian reader SG still hasn't heard from CEO Vikram Pawah and his merry men at Mulgrave – and if you have a BMW problem, you probably won't either.

That might help explain why BMW came in below average in the 2025 JD Power Initial Quality Study, with 196 problems per 100 vehicles. Its electric models reportedly threw up distinct software headaches, while the 2024 BMW i5 had already notched eight NHTSA recalls by early this year.

So, if your BMW catches fire, loses its mind or simply vanishes into a customer-service black hole, don't say we didn't warn you.

No sparks from the WART car

Lots of readers (well, two) have asked how the Weekend Australian Racing Team Mazda RX-8 with yours truly and co-driver Elanor Webber fared in last week's equivalent of F1 China, the 2026 MSA NSW Production Touring Car Championship. Simon Hodges and Josh Buchan in the Secure Wealth BMW M4 won.

Your team, I'm pleased to report, had no electrical issues at all – which already puts us ahead of McLaren.