And the working model of the Hoke's Random Excuse Generator Machine goes to the Aston Martin team, for defending Lance Strulovitch, 25, aka Lance Stroll, a Canadian and Belgian citizen living in gnome land whose dad, Larry, has made $6bn in the schmutter business.

Larry more or less owns Aston Martin, which last year lost $460m and had a handy $1.5bn of debt. No wonder the Aston Martin share price has halved over the last year.

Last week Lance ran up the back of Daniel Joseph Ricciardo, AM, 34, who has houses in Los Angeles, Monaco, Perth, and Dubai topped with a statue of him leaping into a Monte Carlo pool.

Lance has a sister, the Canadian chanteuse Chloe Stroll. Guess who her plus-one is? No idea? It's four-time Olympian and Warrandyte lad, snowboarding legend Scotty James. And guess who is Scotty's besty? Daniel Joseph Ricciardo.

Let's go to the replay of the restart of the Commo Grand Prix. It all happened on lap 36 going into the hairpin. Seven cars bunched up after Ferdy Alonso had a lockup. At this very moment Leaping Lance was looking at his Waze to see where the best way around the traffic was when, wooshka, he hit the rear of Danny's Visa Cash Machine Honda-powered ATM so hard that the whole of the back of the ATM left the ground.

So, despite Lance slamming into the back of Danny, Lance blames the Australian saying: "This idiot just slammed on the brakes." Danny, well known for his use of Chaucerian English, simply said: "I got fudging hit." Followed by "I'm doing my best not to say what I want to say but fudge that guy."

Drive journalist Elizabeth Blackstock said it best: "It's time for Lance Stroll's F1 experiment to end. We've seen a long string of bad behaviour from the Canadian driver, often followed by him avoiding any blame."

Anyway, as usual, you read it here first but Adrian Newey, the greatest Formula 1 designer and a chief architect of Red Bull's title global dominance, is leaving the fizzy drink team because of the alleged Christian Horner sexting scandal.

And the Henry Hoke Electrician's Trouser Snake award goes to the Ferrari F1 team. Having given up on trying to make their cars go faster using mechanical methods, the geniuses have decided to try putting their drivers in different coloured racing suits for next week's Miami GP.

Car boat of the day is the Fiat's new 4.7m Offshore based on the Fiat 500, one prang and you're dead, car. Every boat comes with a digital dashboard, stereo system, fog lights and a sunshade. Don't pay $160k. Mention The Weekend Australian at Positano Boats for a 45 minute Amalfi Coast tour with English and Italian-speaking skipper (Ed Smith), Italian champagne, beach towels and music. $240 no more to pay.

jc@jcp.com.au