Let's start the New Year in the manner we intend to finish it.

No joyful optimism. No meaningless resolutions. No ringing out the old and ringing in the new. No apples dipped in honey. No kissing the person you hope to keep kissing. And certainly, no parading down the streets swinging balls of fire.

Yes, we'll keep to the same cynical pessimism that makes you sad to be alive.

And what better way to mark the beginning of 2020 than our list of the worst cars ever. As usual there is no science to this, just a discussion between the old bloke and me over some Jim Barry 2019 Assyrtiko. Actually, it started as an exploration of what Assyrtiko is. We still don't know but it tasted better than the flagons of McWilliams Royal Reserve Golden Medium Apera Mick normally serves.

OK. Here's our pick of the worst cars in no particular order.

**Reliant Robin**

The 1973 to 1981 Reliant Robin (aka Plastic Pig) was a fibreglass-bodied three-wheeler with no reverse, a 750cc engine with a frightening top speed of 136km/h and an 0 to 80km/h time of 22 seconds with wind assistance. Ironically the car was a top seller, particularly in the north of England. The main reason was, even though it could only go in a straight line without tipping over, it was cheap as it was classified as a motor bike for registration and licence. Jeremy Clarkson and team's company, W.Chump & Sons, owned five as company cars.

**Reva G-Wiz Mk 1**

The Indian made electric 2001 to 2007 Reva G-Wiz Mk 1 was also classified as a bike (a quadricycle) so it didn't have to meet too many safety standards. James May called it "the worst car for this year — and indeed for every other year while we have breath in our bodies — it is the most stupid, useless and dangerous car ever to stalk the earth."

**Horsey Horseless**

The 1899 Horsey Horseless was designed to fix a serious turn of the century problem. At the time horses scared by horseless carriages killed 200 citizens of New York. Preacher Uriah Smith's solution: stick a big horse's head on the front of the carriage and approaching horses will think it's one of them. And better still, use the wooden head to store your highly explosive fuel.

**Toyota Yaris**

The Toyota Yaris is the US personal injury lawyer's best friend. It tops the list of personal injury claims including head, neck and brain injuries, broken bones and even wrongful death. In older models a wiring problem stops airbags from working and the front seats move of their own accord.

**Trabant**

The Trabant/Yugo/FSO Polonez/Lada were all made behind the Iron Curtain and given the quality of these four, should have never been let out. The Trabant had no fuel pump — the gas tank sits above the engine, which is not normally a problem unless the engine overheats and the car explodes. As we used to say: "If you put a banana in a Trabant the value will skyrocket for three weeks, until the banana rots."

**British Leyland**

The 1971 to 1980 Morris/Austin/Leyland Marina ranks as the most-scrapped car sold in Britain. Rather than design a car that was ahead of its time British Leyland produced a car that was slightly ahead of the T Model Ford with worse handling.

**Triumph Stag**

The 1970 Triumph Stag evolved over seven years and is a great example of what could have been if management hadn't decided to stick two of their four cylinder engines together to make a V8, arrange the engine parts so that the Stag always ran the risk of overheating and blowing bits up.

**Alfa Romeo Arna**

The 1983 to 1987 Alfa Romeo Arna shows you what happens when a cash-hungry sporty Italian carmaker gets into bed with a 72-year-old conservative Japanese company. Think Nissan Cherry meets the worst of bad Alfa. Build quality, handling, reliability, looks, electrics, rust, plastic interior all sucked.