I apologise to Rocket Rod Sims and his Justice League team at the ACCC. They are not responsible for recalling cars that spontaneously combust, cars that stop in the middle of the freeway putting you, your partner, the kiddies and Fido at risk of death or worse, or cars that have such severe problems that the dealers and manufacturers lie to customers about them and in some cases blame the owners for bad driving techniques.

You see, no one in the whole Australian government or among the 264,389 federal public servants employed by the Team Australia commonwealth, are responsible for getting dud cars off the road and getting their owners compensated for being done over.

No, in 2016 recalling was outsourced to the private sector. Who in the private sector? As this paper's Terry McCrann would write: IT'S THE MOTOR VEHICLE SUPPLIERS WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR UNDERTAKING RECALLS!

So, you can imagine why 93,572 owners of Hyundai Tucsons can't park their SUVs in their garage or near their homes because they catch fire and burn them down (houses and cars) while they wait for Hyundai to fix them. Or why Tony and Sue Waters had to have their Range Rover towed back to Concord Land Rover 10 times before it finally burnt to the ground after a three-week service.

Or why long time Jag owner Chris Haigh was told by Concord Jaguar that, after multiple attempts at fixing the driveline vibration problem in his 3.0L Diesel F-Pace, that Jaguar Land Rover Australia would no longer fund rectification attempts on the basis that "all these model F-Paces had the same problem" and "it was operating according to design specifications".

You see the DOI consulted with motor car suppliers like JLRA, Hyundai and Mazda and made a deal with The Federal Chamber of Automotive Industries (FCAI), the peak representative organisation for companies who distribute new cars, where its members can voluntarily recall their cars if they think the cars are not safe or have killed too many Australians.

Under this very friendly deal, DOI is responsible for negotiating motor vehicle safety recalls, including being the principal point of contact with suppliers who are voluntarily recalling motor vehicles. Like "Dear Hyundai, five or six people have had their cars burn down the house over the last few months, can you move a bit quicker with the other 93,567 who are patiently waiting to see if their Tucson is next to spring a blaze."

And guess who the responsible minister is? Well, it's none other than the Deputy Prime Minister, the Hon Mick McCormack. So, it's hard to understand why he hasn't been ordering more compulsory recalls.