How much would you pay to be leader of the free world — well, when it meant something to be US president? Cue political jokes: what's the difference between an oyster and a politician? One doesn't have a brain or a nervous system and the other is saltwater bivalve mollusc.
Anyway, there you are in lockdown in Moonee Ponds, but instead of feeling impotent and rageful about spending more time with your partner and kids than God ever intended, you've ditched the bar in the sports room and installed a full-scale replica of the Oval Office ($80k) where you're issuing decrees, ringing Russian presidents, banning broccoli and jeans.
Of course if you would like a nice frock there's the one worn by the youngest first lady, Frances Clara Cleveland Preston's two-piece off-white gown with a V-neck, ¾-length sleeves, a small front swag, with floral applique trim throughout and a small train, bearing an interior label inscribed "Paris Creations" ($3k).
Then out to the carport, where you've trucked in John F. Kennedy's Air Force One housed in a Boeing 707 fuselage ($400k), hopping into the white 1963 Lincoln Continental convertible ($500k) that drove JFK, Jackie and Texas governor John Connally to Carswell Air Force Base in Fort Worth the morning of November 22, 1963.
As you drive to the 7-Eleven at 876 Mt Alexander Rd for a pack of Benson & Hedges Smooth ($37.90) you slip on Jackie's left silk brocade shoe from her Paris trip ($5k), Dwight Eisenhower's right shoe ($2k) and snuggle up under Franklin Roosevelt's blanket.
Talking of effective politicians, the Queensland government may not be getting many points for its border policies but full marks for having serious lemon laws.
In 2015 a Queensland parliamentary committee into lemons chaired by former truck driver Mark Furner found that: "Seeking legal redress is costly to consumers financially, or they bear the evidentiary burden. Consumers can be impacted by difficulty in diagnosis, costs of expertise, interpretation of the ACL, technical knowledge of adjudicator and compulsory mediation processes."
Now the sunshine state has sunshine lemon laws. Since Queensland's "lemon laws" began on September 1 last year, 20 published decisions show full refunds were ordered in seven cases.
Westco Cairns has been ordered to fully refund a car buyer the $29,990 he paid for a "faulty" new Volkswagen Passat, more than three years after he bought it.