Look, oil prices are the lowest they've been since Jesus played fullback for Bethlehem United in the Judea league. In fact, they are so low, at one stage this week the price was minus $42 a barrel meaning that if you were selling a few barrels you'd have to pay the customers $42 to take them.
About a month ago radio commentator Alan Jones raised the problem of petrol prices with ACCC supremo, Rocket Rod Sims. Al pointed out to Rock that on one side of a busy Sydney road you had a servo selling oil at 117c and across the street the same brand servo was charging 187c. Both agreed it was profiteering and price-gouging but as Rock told Al, the ACCC doesn't have price-control powers. There was only one solution: "Call it out and put pressure on the gougers."
State government apps show that across this quiet wide country of ours yesterday you could buy unleaded 91 for 73c a litre or you could help support a servo owner on Struggle Street and pay $1.58.
So, clearly, name and shame isn't working. But it is helping the feds in this time of need because 51 per cent of the gas price is tax.
Now I know it's a bit rich for a Porsche and Holden V8-driving socialist to point out the price of petrol is a tax on the poor and rural and regional dwellers, but it is. It's fine to build fancy roads in cities but the same point applies. Freeways are actually cost-ways where the tolls subtly rise with the CPI.
In equally depressing news, everything petrol heads love is being cancelled. Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance organisers have thrown in the polishing cloth and waved a fond farewell to this August's rich persons with seriously expensive cars. You'd have to bet that the Les 24 Heures du Mans won't happen, nor the rest of F1, nor Supercars, nor in-person classic car auctions.
But just when you think things couldn't get any worse, I got a call yesterday from Markus Söder, Bavaria's Prime Minister. "We're cancelling this year's Oktoberfest. I know the FT described it as 'a head-spinning brew of beer, brass bands, greasy chicken, lederhosen, dirndl dresses, fairground rides and thigh-slapping revelry' but matey, it brought in six million tourists a year, mostly from Australia, and poured a couple of bill into the till."
In an exclusive interview, Dr Tim Cooper told me: "When the Oktoberfest shut their doors, we all felt it. But fear no more, we're opening the doors of the virtual Oktoberfest experience! Sit back and crack open a Coopers as we bring the head-spinning brew of beer, brass bands, greasy chicken, lederhosen, dirndl dresses, fairground rides and thigh-slapping revelry to your lounge room."