OK. No shocks in Bahrain except for the first time the racing was more exciting than the TV series based on the racing; Feezer came first and second for the first time since 2019; Mad Max and Sergio Perez and their Red Bull cars all died before the finish for the first time; MM used the radio to make sure everyone knew he was acting like a spoilt brat for the zillionth time; Lou Larbo snuck into a very unexpected third; to quote the Independent, "Pierre Gasly set for early F1 grid penalty after barbecue" (i.e. "I smell le smoke, houp-la … la voiture is on le fire") and it all starts again this weekend at Jeddah.

If you haven't been to Jeddah or the new circuit, which winds its way for 6.1km along the Red Sea waterfront of the 2500-year-old city, then the old bloke tells me you are in for a treat.

Of course Mick has a special spot for the rich history of the Islamic countries having taken third in the over 3-litre class at the 1984 Selangor GP in Malaysia in a BMW 635. You might say (correctly but cruelly) that was 38 years ago, but you know the old motor racing saying: "Take the podiums when and where you can get them." And we have Targa Tasmania coming up in a few weeks, so if the other 29 entrants in our section do a Max and Sergio, we are a chance.

"While there's no Coopers on tap, in fact booze of any kind is banned in Saudi Arabia, those who have a drink are subject to hundreds of lashes, deportation, fines, imprisonment or worse. And, of course, you can't be gay, kiss or hold hands with any gender, bring in a drone, or breathe. But the tomb of Eve, the first non-man person, is there, Mecca's only 60km away, Maccas is at the Red Sea Mall just up on King Abdulaziz Rd near the circuit, and if you want to sample local cuisine, try Crepe and Waffle or The Shrimp Zone, both are close," Mick told me in another exclusive interview.

And in other weird news, Damian Jones at our friends in soap dodger land, H&H Classics, sold the rusting remains of a 1963 AC Ace roadster for more than $400k. The Times tells us the "Ace is about 70 per cent complete after it was dismantled and stripped back for a restoration project that never happened. Unfortunately, the original chassis and body wings were sent to a scrapyard after a misunderstanding, with the remainder of the two-seater sports car stored in a large garden shed for 40 years."

The Ace is special for three reasons. They were the prettiest of the post-war ACs, only 36 were built, and the car became the Chev and Ferrari-beating AC Cobra once Carroll Shelby dropped a big non-electric V8 in the British body. And for another thing, AC celebrated its 120th birthday last year without making one electric car.

Look, there's nothing wrong with buying an old classic for the price of a new Feezer or Porker or Lambo or (my recommendation) two new Corvettes, but even the Sultan would find it hard to get a podium with the original engine, gearbox, bonnet, boot lid, doors, steering column, fuel tank, head lamps, pedals and radiator grill and speedo showing 58,423 miles (94,000km) all in separate boxes.

Talking of old persons of all genders, let me point out that the oldest driver going around the F1 circuit got a top 10 finish last Sunday. Fernando Alonso Diaz turns 41 in July, Chuck Leclerc turns 25, China's very impressive first timer Guanyu Zhou is 22 and Lou Larbo is getting near Seniors Card holder age at 37.

Fred has been racing since he was three. His dad, Jose, was a mechanic in an explosives factory and an early feminist. He built a go kart for his eldest daughter, who decided she really didn't want to compete in the red and white hand-built economy racer, so Jose adjusted the seat and pedals to fit little Fred.

Naturally the Alonso family could only afford one set of tyres, which meant Fred learnt to be quick in any conditions, wet or dry, on one set of rubber. While competing in the world kart championships, Fred worked as a mechanic on his rivals' cars to earn enough money to compete. Out of 332 F1 starts, he has had 32 wins and 98 podiums. He's also won a couple of Le Mans, a Dakar Rally and a World Endurance Cup Championship and his driving style is like Schuey's.