Never fear, it's the car of the year: journos' judgments are always good for a laugh

It's Car Of The Year (COTY) time. COTY is like Sydney's Mardi Gras without the floats, the diversity and the Doof Doof Beach Brunch. Basically, motoring journalists from publications around the world get into cars ranging from $20k to $300k, drive them as fast as they can for days on end while pretending to be doing a scientific test and pick out the one car whose manufacturer has spent the most on advertising and exclaim COTY!!!! COTY gets a 20 per cent lift in sales, wood ducks don't have to think for themselves, journalists recover from their hangovers and everyone is happy.

But just before we review the reviews of some of the COTYs we take seriously, a huge shout out to reader No 7 who takes delivery of his brand spanking new Porker Taycan this morning. Look, as you know, we believe electric cars are a passing fad like pet rocks, mood rings, the limbo, alfas and democracy. And forget all this stuff you're reading about the future of cars. The future of cars or getting around is the existing tech companies. All the big car companies will go the way of WeWork, Lehman Brothers and Colon Cleansing. Amazon, Apple, Alphabet and the other "A" companies will run mobility with a few boutique traditional makes like Feezer selling you cars that make a noise on the occasional track day.

Wheels magazine is the Aussie COTY leader. For 58 years, this year saw Wheels' scientists in 10 cars including an Audi E-Tron, a beemer 4, the same Genesis Tiger Wood drove downhill, upside down and sideways a few weeks back, a Defender, a Yaris and a Merc GLB. The winner was the Mazda CX-30. You need to pay around $40k for the specced-up one.

Betty Winsor's favourite read is the very conservative Telegraph. Its Car of the Year 2021, as voted by a panel of European judges, is the Toyota Yaris. Can I just say their cars of the year have included the Austin 1800, the Simca, the Rover SDI and the Shortfin Barracuda submarine.

The Kia Sorento (around $50K) has taken out the Carsales' Car of the Year award. Look this is a great SUV but seriously? I get it beating the Land Rover Defender but comparing it to the Porker Taycan?