Conspiracies, fast cars and one driven by a love that dare not speak its name

You know there's a lot of conspiracy theories around at the moment, particularly in Trumpyville.

Some US persons believe the prince of evil spirits and adversary of God in the Abrahamic religions and a coterie of other mates such as movie stars, billionaire Democrats, Michael McMichael and the mainstream media are running the world and the only thing between us and damnation or, worse, being forced to drive electric cars is the Trumpster himself.

By the way, the FT reported this week that Tesla, a company that sold just 360,000 (electric) cars last year, now has a $633bn equity value. GM, a company that sold about three million cars last year, has a $60bn equity value.

Now, I don't want to alarm you, but I have found a similar conspiracy right here in this newspaper, multimedia, digital, mobile and other platforms that reach 7.3 million Australians and others.

Yes, there is a small group of elites who want to force those 7.3 million punters to forgo our four-wheel cocoons of comfort, give up our sensual, sometime sexual relationship with cars to become two-wheel drive temporary citizens of this once borderless country.

While you may not have experienced "feelings" for your VW, Edward Smith, now 69, who claims to have had sex with 1000 cars and defends his "romantic" feelings towards vehicles, has. Ed told the makers of the doco on mechaphilia, My Car is My Lover, "I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love."

He first had sex with a car at the age of 15 and claims he has never been attracted to women or men. His squeeze at the time of the doco was a white VW Beetle named Vanilla. But his wandering eye spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

Talking of strange love, this week's Shannons auction had 13 two-wheelers, selling 12. The 1989 Yamaha FZR750R-R OW01 bringing $42k and the 1974 Norton Commando John Player 850cc fetching $35k.

Today I'm (virtually) at the Gooding Hampton Court sale for the extraordinary 1934 Bugatti Type 59 Sports, which should go for $20m. It was part of the Bugatti works Grand Prix team during the 1934-35 seasons. Primarily driven by the equally extraordinary Rene Dreyfus, winning the Belgian Grand Prix at Spa.