"So," said the boss, "if you want to be here next year you've got to get more clicks." That's when I made my first mistake. "What are clicks?"

Well it turns out in the media caper now, it's all about clicks. You need to write catchy headlines and use phrases that are so irresistible that more than 18 readers and one friend click and read the column.

Today "7 Xmas Gifts Only People Who Genuinely Love Their Car, Koalas and Australia Will Give", "The Only Car Brand and Dealer to Buy It From If You Don't Want to Be A Complete Loser, Dope and Embarrassment To Your Family, Australia and Yourself" and, if we have time, "Three Scientifically Proven Techniques To Make You Look Ten Years Younger and Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite, Same Sex or All Three."

Yes, it's bah humbug time again and what better way to mark the upcoming arrival of the old bloke with the big white beard and then Santa than with a Porker office chair. Yup, get back in the office culture vibe going by showing the serfs — sorry, the team — the boss zooming into the new year with an "original 4-way-plus sports seat as featured in the current Porsche 911." All this for $8132 push away no more to pay. Or you could pay $6k more and get a brand new Kia Picanto S manual.

Then again you could go all out and buy a 2010 BMW X5 for $499k. Yes, as one of our three Queensland readers, Stu Scott, points out, the pre-owned page of Ferrari Brisbane's website has the Beemer at only 10 times the price you could buy one from your local BMW dealer. To get the extra money out of the wood ducks they have cleverly advertised it as a 2018 Fezzer 488 GTB.

You know as well as I do the team here don't give many raps to carmakers or dealers but because it's our pre-Xmas post-COVID bumper goodwill to all edition here's our first ever The Only Car Brand and Dealer to Buy It From If You Don't Want to Be A Complete Loser, Dope and Embarrassment To Your Family, Australia and Yourself award.

Wocka Evans from Laguna Real Estate in Noosa is a surfer and the proud owner of a 1964 EH Holden but Ms Wocka has had three Nissan X-Trails. Her 2016 X-Trail developed auto bearing noises at 70,000km. After Gazza's negotiations with Nissan the transmission was replaced at no cost. Gazza and Nissan boss, Steve Lester, congratulations — the trophies should be with you one day.