You don't want to be the lost sock in the laundromat of life this Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, urisumasu ni wa kentakkii (Kentucky Fried Christmas, Japan) or Newtonmas, so what passes for a team here have put together an early present list that is guaranteed to have your family enthusiastically looking for the next handout.

Of course the old bloke, who has now agreed to play Santa at the Kensi's Christmas eve panto and hazy beer night (for only $50 you get a pint of each of the featured beers, plus a plate of delicious Cajun Wings, plus the Corner Bar panto starring three of the hotel cleaners who can't sing or dance, performing with no scenery and no music, plus the chance to sit on Santa's knee … conditions apply), has two new books out.

Twenty readers, one family member and one friend, you loved his bestseller from last year, "Sex in a car park – why it's wrong on so many levels", so get in quick for autographed copies of "Manifold Destiny: Christmas cooking on your car engine" and "The Magical World of Rectal Probes". Yes, the Sultan Santa will be happy to both sign copies and have you sit on his knee (conditions apply) at our works tent at Classic Adelaide, starting November 25.

Talking of spies (and aren't we all these days), register today for Julien's Auctions: KGB spies, space exploration and Las Vegas casinos on Monday. Thinking about getting engaged? Why not spend $12k on Soviet KGB spy miniature camera designed to look like a ring? That way you can keep an eye on your loved one while professing everlasting trust.

The sexiest cars of this year were definitely at the Concorso d'Eleganza Villa d'Este at Cernobbio. Started 92 years ago when the old bloke had just begun secondary school, this year's Trofeo BMW Group best of show winner was Brian Ross's 1956 Ferrari 250 GT Tour de France. Brian owns property developer, Ross Development in Cortland, Ohio and handily for a Fezzer collector, also owns Ferrari of Vancouver, the only Fezzer dealer in town.

Anyway the yuletide present we're recommending is the Giallo Fly Speciale (yellow) 1971 Lamborghini Countach LP500 Reconstruction that was launched at Concorso d'Eleganza Villa d'Este. This is a one-off lambo that took 25,000 hours to build for a supercar fan. Research for the build started late 2017. Someone told me Lambo will build you one for $3m.