No, the big news this week isn’t that the motorist’s friend, Roddy Sims, has started a court case against VW, or that the South Korean government has ordered Audi to recall some of its Audi 8 models and banned the sale of 80 VW models or more than 80,000 vehicles, or that 4400 Korean car owners are suing Volkswagen and Audi for damages related to its false emissions claims, or that Bryce Menzies broke the world record for truck jumping with a leap of 116m, or that Lou Hamilton drove from the back of the grid to come third in Belgium, or that our drivers Nathan Antunes and Brad Shiels managed third and 13th in last weekend’s GT series, or that CAMS boss Eugene Arocca has written us a letter.
No, readers, it’s bigger than that. Yes, here at The Weekend Australian business section we have solved the motoring world’s problems. Simple as that. Tired of your environmentally friendly pals telling you how your car is ending the world? Or that every piece of rubber on your car is destroying the jungle and killing more animals?
Then join me today at Auctions America’s Auburn Fall Collector Car Weekend, where you can buy Wendell the elephant for a tad over 300 grand. Not only can you drive (steer? ride?) Wendell, you can elephant-share with six big friends or eight regular-sized ones. Wendell, 65, weighs 635kg, is 3.65m long and 2.65m high.
Look, this guarantees you can attract any member of the opposite or same sex as you pull up outside the 2001 Odyssey disco in Brooklyn. But even better, just say you feel a bit of road rage. No problem: Wendell can shoot water from his trunk.
There’s more. Wendell has a built-in CD player and speakers, giving you the ability to trumpet whenever you get the urge. But beware the effect. Elephants trumpet when they are excited, lost, angry, playful or surprised. You don’t want to attract an excited, lustful or angry fellow Loxodonta africana.
Right now you’re thinking: “Three hundred big ones for a big one ain’t peanuts and it could be OK but I don’t have a mahout licence, so driving one could be too much of a tusk (sorry) for me.” Fixed. Sitting on Wendell’s neck with your legs stuck into his ears you can move each of his legs independently as he rolls along.
“Wendell the elephant represents a very unique ownership opportunity and the ultimate conversation piece,” says Megan Boyd, elephant specialist at Auctions America. You’re right there.
Now, if you are in Auburn, Alabama, tonight why not join me at Mike & Ed’s Bar-B-Q, which is only a couple of blocks’ walk to Jordan-Haire Stadium, home of the Auburn Tigers. The boys’ special is the Jumbo Porkchop Sandwich. You get super thick slices of boneless pork tenderloin served on a whopper-sized sesame seed bun and topped with tangy barbecue slaw and dill pickle chips. So big, it’s a meal by itself! At $US4.29 the boss said I can shout.
Elsewhere in the US, off-road champion Bryce Menzies decided to jump a truck over an entire ghost town in Nevada to beat the off-road truck jump distance world record. While Bryce did fly over the whole town and set a new record, he didn’t get to the 123m mark he was trying for because the wind caught his truck and he broke his shoulder.
Good to see the ACCC will be in the Federal Court alleging that VW “engaged in misleading conduct by installing and not disclosing the existence and operation of ‘defeat’ software (in more than 57,000 vehicles), which controlled the operation of the vehicles’ exhaust gas recirculation system; representing that the vehicles complied with Australian and European standards and all Australian regulatory requirements when, because of the defeat software, that was not the case and marketing the vehicles in Australia as being environmentally friendly, clean burning, low emission and compliant with stringent European standards when this was not the case under normal driving conditions”.
“These allegations involve extraordinary conduct of a serious and deliberate nature by a global corporation and its Australian subsidiary misleading consumers and the Australian public. We expect higher standards of behaviour from all companies that supply to Australian consumers,” said Mr ACCC, Rod Sims.
And finally a nice long letter from CAMS boss Eugene Arocca who says This is a shortened version of the original article. Read the full article at: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/wendel-the-artificial-elephant-yours-for-300000/news-story/c3c644d3e014bd5a666da6ad4c5c1557?login=1
